Friday, March 28, 2008

Review: Return to House on Haunted Hill

I think this is the crappiest movie I've seen this year. Yes, I'm actually considering that Meet the Spartans is better than Return to House on Haunted Hill. I LOVE LOVE LOVE 1999's House on Haunted Hill. It's an incredibly fun movie to watch and has a high rewatchability factor. And that cast! DAMN! Geoffrey Rush! Famke Janssen! Taye Diggs! Ali Larter! Bridgette Wilson! Peter Gallagher!! Chris Kattan was hilarious and even small supporting roles from Max Perlich, James Marsters and Jeffrey Combs were nicely done.

When I first heard about a sequel, I thought it might be a fun idea. Then I heard they killed off Ali's character Sara (Miss Larter herself does not appear in this movie), or actually, she supposedly killed herself. I was like WTF?! You made it out alive, you have Taye Diggs and $5 million to share. Why kill yourself? *SPOILERS* It turns out Sara didn't kill herself, but she was murdered. In her incredibly poor looking apartment. What happened to all that cash?! Anyhow, RtHoHH focuses on Sara's sister Ariel (Amanda Righetti). She is forced inside The House by Erik Palladino and his lemmings to get the statue of Baphomet. That ugly thing is worth a lot of cash and is apparently worth dying for. Long story short: people go inside the house and die. Ghosts are present, but not quite in the same way as in the original nor did I see the smoke monster.

I got a big 10 Little Indians vibe from this film as characters were very quickly killed off once inside the house. At least the characters in House on Haunted Hill were developed. Here.. well, I can't even tell some of the people apart. And of course it takes ages for the worst actor to be killed off! How frustrating was that?! Actually, bad acting was a big part of the suckage here. I don't remember Cerina Vincent being that bad in Cabin Fever, but here she was barely tolerable. Now Erik Palladino is a talented guy, but horribly miscast here. I mean, Dr. Dave Malucci as the bad guy? YEAH RIGHT!

Basically, this whole movie is a disaster and not true to the original, which is a shame. Maybe if I had the choose-your-own-adventure DVD I would like it better. But I don't want to sit through this crap again. A 1/5.

Trailer Park: My Sassy Girl trailer

I almost feel bad for Jesse Bradford when watching the trailer for his new movie My Sassy Girl. He's a talented actor who is completely underrated and who deserves so much better than this. For Elisha Cuthbert, this movie looks like a step up from Captivity.

My Sassy Girl is a remake of a Korean (I think - I'm too lazy to look it up) film. After all the J-horror remakes, Hollywood is apparently now focusing on the K-romcoms. I don't know the details of the original, but My Sassy Girl is about an average guy (Bradford) who falls for a free spirited girl (Cuthbert). Sure the trailer has some cute moments, but overall, this looks like another generic and forgetable romcom. I don't think the casting of Elisha Cuthbert helps either. Once a promising talent, now box office poison after the disaster that was Captivity. I know the fanboys like her, but they are not exactly the target audience for My Sassy Girl. And, IMHO, she seems like a pretty average actress. She's not able to transcend her material and make it better. I'm sure Bradford will charm his way through this like a champ, but I don't think Cuthbert will have much street cred left after this.

To be viewed: on DVD (because I do love Jesse Bradford)

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Jared vs Jason

Congrats, universe! You win again! I had no interest whatsoever in the Friday the 13th remake. Hell, I don't even care much for the original movies (except for maybe the first one, cause you gotta respect The Bacon). However, Platinum Dunes pulled out the big guns. After getting Texas Chainsaw Massacre director Marcus Nispel on board, they have now cast Jared Padalecki. Yes, pretty much the only damn person in this world who could make me watch a Friday the 13th remake. As I said before, congratulations, universe. You win. Should I just hand over my 8.75 euros now?

I'm almost getting hope this movie will be good. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake was an all-round good movie: visually stunning, great casting and acting, good script. If anyone could make Camp Crystal Lake look good, it's Nispel. And Padalecki knows his way around the horror genre, thanks to Supernatural, House of Wax, Cry_Wolf and New York Minute. Now if we could just get Brittany Snow and Lindy Booth and Monica Keena and [insert name of pop starlet wanting to act] to stay away from this as far as possible, this should turn out to be okay. Right?!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Trailer Park: 27 Dresses

I don't watch a lot of trailers online, so this feature will mostly feature (hee!) trailers that were attached to movies I've recently seen. Keep in mind that I live in The Netherlands, and that the trailers attached wont necessarily be the same as the ones in your country. In this post I'll review the trailers that were attached to 27 Dresses.

Step Up 2 the Streets
Hey it's that guy who was in She's the Man with original Step Up star Channing Tatum! [...] Yeah, I don't really care about him or the Step Up movies at all. I'm pretty much done with all those dance movies.. they annoy me more than all those spoof movies! I spotted the gorgeous Will Kemp in the trailer which made me smile. Not because he's gorgeous but because he's a dancer in real life so I can appreciate his casting. Will should make more movies.. haven't seen him in anything since Mindhunters and Van Helsing.
To be viewed: you've got to be kidding me right?

Sex & The City
I'm looking forward to the Sex & the City movie. I loved the showed, but at first I didn't think a movie follow-up would be a good idea. It's already been 4 years and the series wrapped up pretty nicely so there wasn't really a need for a movie. BUT, now that it's filmed and all, I am looking forward to seeing all my favorites again. Charlotte! Steve!
To be viewed: opening weekend!

Mamma Mia!
Oh my.. I was looking forward to this but the trailer, IMHO, is pretty horrible. It's so cheesy. Or is that the point?! Amanda Seyfried is an incredibly pretty girl, but doesn't look like herself here. Too tanned? I can't put my finger on it. While watching the trailer, my BFF leaned over and said: "Meryl Streep is way too old to be playing Amanda Seyfried's mother. Maybe grandmother." I couldn't agree with her more. I haven't seen the musical, but the thought of a Meryl Streep/Colin Firth pairing is rather disturbing. And when the cast names are shown, why isn't Stellan Skarsgard mentioned but Dominic Cooper is? Who the hell is Dominic Cooper?! Skarsgard thrumps Cooper!! GAWD! People have no respect these days.
To be viewed: in theaters maybe otherwise on DVD

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Review: The Mist

It's already been 2 weeks since I've seen this, but here we go anyways. [...] Actually, I don't know what to say anymore. I'll try my best to recall my thoughts.

The Mist is based on the Stephen King story of the same name. I haven't read it so I won't compare. But the story is about a mist invading a small town and centers on the people who are in the local supermarket when the mist appears. Hidden in the mist are monsters, but the biggest monster is actually in the store: Mrs. Carmody.

Thomas Jane plays our hero David Drayton. He's an appealing actor. Very easy to root for just like in Deep Blue Sea. He gives a fine performance, though I did notice a couple of off moments. The thing is, he can't possibly compete against the perfect Marcia Gay Harden as Mrs. Carmody. Seriously, that woman is a force to be reckoned with! The rest of the cast is good too (William Sadler, Jeffrey DeMunn, Andre Braugher) with Toby Jones as Ollie also being a standout. And it's always nice to see Chris Owen pop up in movies. Looking good, kid!

I'm a glass-half-empty kinda gal, so let's focus on the negative bits;
- The pacing is off. Sometimes the movie moves too quickly and sometimes too slow. I found myself checking my watch. But was puzzled when the big tentacle monster was shown at the beginning. They should've saved that one for later and started with the bugs.
- It's too religious. It made me uncomfortable and bored watching all that religious talk go on and on and on. It's just not my cup of tea and I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt alienated by it.
- The ending. Okay so I don't hate it. I appreciate unhappy endings. But this was too harsh. Plus, I don't understand why the mother who left the store to go find her children survived.

I saw Cloverfield not long before this movie and throughout The Mist, I kept thinking: "Cloverfield did it better." Now I realize it's unfair to compare these two movies, but they're both movies with big ass monsters and parasites. I just couldn't help but compare the two. Do I have a point here? No, not really. I just like Cloverfield better.

I have nothing left to say. A 3/5.